Wherever I am,I can do Self-Compassion Practice.

It has been a while that I posted and checking my situation right now:I notice bags and packs,we have been on the move,in a new city with my infant daughter,sitting with her clothes everywhere around me,doing her diapers and singing lullabies,watching my companion pigeon Fifi by the window,with plans of how to unpack and where to find what is already unpacked.

Breathing. And,while I am writing this post,my dearest Fifi has decided to do her movement meditation in the food tray,so I have all the pigeon food scattered everywhere on the floor. My heart 😦 as I watch and write,as I long for a cup of tea and would want the baby to take a nap,my heart as I look at the dishes that need to be done and the baby’s complaining longing eyes that I am not playing peek-a boo instead of wanting her to sleep.

We are housed in a service apartment,till we actually have our apartment up and running.Since this is a service apartment and we couldn’t bring all our pets,our dogs are in a hostel somewhere they have never been before. My heart is in multiple routes, my heart is anxious and running like this very bustling Indian city,we are exploring and my husband would want me to title this as the safest,least crowded and greener than any other.

My heart is slow to respond,I search for my energies-I check I am running in depletion but it is amazing that I am running and functional.Integrated?I am not sure,if that is what we usually look at.Am I integrated?Am I feeling whole with my situation?Ah,that’s usually ignored the best for we work on solutions,fixes,patches and not on healings,slow work and regeneration.

I look at myself-what do I need right now?How is the outward rush treating me and how am I holding myself in all this.I sincerely appreciate my response,presence and balance.What else I could do?There is something I haven’t fully paid attention to:something I am more addicted to ignoring than any thing else and I see,it is Self-Compassion Practice.

I offer myself a Self-Compassion Facial Massage:

Breathing in softly,gently,appreciating myself.I notice the tiredness,the noise,the food,the clothes,the baby,I notice everything in this moment.

Bringing my palms closer to my heart,I gently press them on my heart and feel the temperature,the warmth,the tenderness of my presence.

Folding the palms in a Namaste position,I breathe into the palms and feel the breath moving from my nostrils to my palms.(I notice that choosing my nose to focus is more neutral for me than my chest and stomach.This could be different for different people.We can choose wherever we feel more comfortable with a neutral anchor in our body and we can bring our palms to our chest and our stomach too.Just offer ourselves what is comfortable and best within the situation we are in.)

In the next step,I rub the palms softly, feeling the skin,the texture,the pores,the temperature and breath with full awareness into the palms.Breathing in-fully feeling the exhaustion,the dullness and breathing out-appreciating all that I have been doing for myself and everyone in this situation.Massaging my fingers,my palms,softly noticing any tinkle,any sensation in the palms.I keep my awareness open and flexible as I breathe in to the palms.Continue doing this for as long as you like.I did this for 6-7 minutes.

In the last step,bring the palms to your face and massage your eyes.Fully feeling your eyes,your eye brows,your nose,your lips.Fully draw your face and facial features with your fingers.Imagine you are an artist or imagine you have never met this face before.This is the first time you are fully feeling your face with your fingers,your palms.There is nothing right or wrong.Offer as much pressure as you like and continue as long as you would like to.If your mind wanders,thoughts take over,that’s okay.It is alright to recognise this and accept where we are and the amazing efforts we are putting through the toil.

Open your eyes whenever you feel ready to.I really enjoyed this practice, thinking of trying this twice a day 🙂

How did you feel with this gentle breathing massage.I felt my palms were very alive, breathing on my face.I felt energised,eased and filled with appreciation for myself.

Smooth Rowing, My Friends!

In this deep and colourful,

sea of human emotions,

every day has something

beautiful to hold

and intense to practice with,

a  consistent check of

intention and attention

is such a canoe,

wish us all:

smooth rowing, my dear friends.

Holding and watching,

holding and walking,

holding and sailing,

smooth rowing my dear friends.

Sifting and watching,

sitting and holding,

smooth rowing my friends.

Lulling and waking,

yawning and preserving,

carrying what we can,

not ordering, not punishing,

not deluging, not arguing,

navigating and holding,

smooth rowing my dear friends.❤🌻🌷🌿

 

In Goa, introducing two beautiful friends 🙂                                                                       Image (c)                                                                                                                                                      Sarabsri

 

 

 

 

 

Plum Village :Summer Mindfulness Retreat (1)

 

This Summer, I attended Mindfulness Retreat at Plum village in South France.It is the first of its kind zen monastery established by the revered Vietnamese teacher, Thich Nhah Hanh in the West.

I have been reading and listening to Thay for years.He is an inspiration, an emblem in the world of Mindfulness teaching.In the year 1967,Martin Luther King,Jr.nominated Thay for Nobel Peace Prize,referring him as the gentle Buddhist monk,an apostle of peace and non-violence…cruelly separated from his land and people.Interestingly,this nomination was cancelled, for the nominations can’t be openly discussed.I am sure,the weight of Nobel Prizes,is something Thay would have seriously not burdened himself with, for he has remained a monk in action, an activist of peace forever.The real leaders are teachers in action and go beyond their designated times, labels to strive for peace.

Plum village, is one such place that not only calls for peace and diversity but is also a  creative culmination of Zen, traditional Buddhism and the universal, ethical values we can all identify with.It is an all-encompassing, embracing and nurturing abode, where anyone can easily feel belongingness and home.

My room in the dormitory, where I stayed during my retreat was a few minutes walk from the meditation hall of the  Lower Hamlet.Every day, my walk added inexplicable joy to my presence, the beaming Sunflower fields along the road kissed my eyes as I watched them in reverence.

In many of his talks and writings, Thay has mentioned about the Sunflowers at the Plum Village and here they were, a gift to watch everyday-youthful, alive and welcoming.Some stood in their grace, some leaned onto the other, some rows just transcended to one’s heart as the flowers bowed towards the azure skies.

Every flower spoke, every blade gleamed, every movement of these flowers brought the words and philosophy of Thay to my mind that: we don’t know the nature of the seed.We offer it to the earth without expecting it to bloom at our will.We let nature do its role and do ours.We allow the flowers to bloom.

This was my first lesson, first insight-allowing the self to be, to bloom or be under the ground.Everything is welcome.Every moment is fertile.

This was my walking meditation, the Sunflower meditation-watching the melting skies, the clear blue patches of blue, gray, black in the various hues overlooking the green, golden yellow floral orbs.At times, I washed the self in their presence, at times I offered my presence,at times I melted in-between to dance in dawn and dusk.At times, I too stood like a sunflower on my stalk, weighing my presence with no rationalizing and jargon, at times I just became the sunflower inside and noticed nothing with closed eyes outside.

 

Holding the Centre, holding the Self : A Prayer for Presence

A few weeks ago, a 16-year-old boy was lynched by a mob in a train in North India.He was coming home to celebrate Eid with his family. While my Pakistani friend and I were sharing our grief at the tragic dousing of more than a hundred people in the oil-tanker episode, another close friend in the UK  battling her personal health issues shared her online request for sponsoring baby clothes for a homeless Romanian woman selling magazines in the streets of Liverpool.

Our lives are so full.In a moment, there are multiple moments of hate, prejudice and charity.There is bleakness and uncertainty over political leaderships, there is flag-waving nationalism on the one side and there are xenophobic rages to wipe out the ‘other’ on the second.

We are in the crisis of choosing, holding and living.Adapting the meaning of life to mental, physical, political seismic currents; holding is the toughest exercise in disaster but utmost for survival.

I am shaken, saddened and petrified on a daily basis.Yet, as a Mindfulness practitioner I draw an image of circle around myself and ask: What does this current time of killing, chaos and bloodshed mean to me.How do I see out of the circle when enough darkness and madness envelops my entire being.How  do I to tend to parts and pieces with trembling hands and not let the house, the planet, the country, the body, the voice, the skin, the friendships, the shakiness fall into the jams of crushing voices, noises, words and newsmongering.

The news media is filled with venom, the social media is replete with fear and abuse.

The times are challenging.I see many of my friends – protesting, posting, reaching Social  Media, joining people in the streets, holding placards and some  sitting confounded at their homes, some working in front of their computer screens- discussing how this is just not the way, asking relevant questions-how can this be averted,echoing-how can we do better at where we are now, feeling this  collective social distrust, fully within themselves and others.

The media is at war, the perceptions are unapologetically unleashed.There are questions and there are interminable tales of anger, anguish and skepticism.Everyone is hurt, the injuries are valid. It appears, no more criminal to serve hatred and vainglorious war of words.Crime is played,used, made a selective tool to  feast on some unquenchable thirst of human grandiosity, a historical crime we should know by now- how it serves none and destroys all.

Gathering ourselves like scattered pages from albums: the one who questions, the one who answers and the one who watches with eyes huddled , our hands crossed in fear, doubt and grief, we experience the depths of our sadness, no matter what opinion we hold and  where we are in the world right now.

The hub of our  presence is -harsh, shaky and glum.We appear deeply terrorized by humans,by each other.Measuring whatever we have, let’s- hold our hands, our hearts and  invite our minds to preserve ourselves and offer our presence as a gift to ourselves, a gift that can be automatically shared by its beauty that has no agenda except compassionate flowering.

To cultivate our presence,to tap into our inner capacities,we can allow ourselves to  be open to a minute of STOP-a calm moment ,a token to  just be with our breath and hold our heart to affirm-I am okay to be with myself in all that I am in,I am okay to be with others if needed to be and be a vehicle of support if necessary to be but foremost I am okay to be with my presence.

We can assure ourselves of our presence.May I hold my peace.May I hold my trust in myself if not in anyone else in the moments of deep internal and external war.May I nourish myself to be fully alive, awakened and healthy to do all that I wish to in these moments of strife.

Here is my Breathing prayer for us all:

Breathing in,I am peaceful.

Breathing out,I am centred.

Breathing in, I recognize my deep pain and anguish.

Breathing out,I offer myself care and support.

Breathing in,I read uncertainty and chaos.

Breathing out,I offer deep compassion to all of us.

Breathing in,I see the world in pain.

Breathing out, I offer to be mindful and giving.

Breathing in-I touch,hear,see and smell my pain.

Breathing out,I tap into my heart and offer moments of joy.

Breathing in,I am fully present for myself.

Breathing out,I am fully present for you.

Breathing in,I am fully present for myself.

Breathing out,I am fully present for you.

–

Fifi,our companion pigeon perched on a tree in Genjpauram village, I have been volunteering and teaching for six years.It was a delight to sit back and watch Fifi explore the branches,the ruggedness,the hopping and yet keep her mind focussed on my voice crying in happiness, guidance and affection.Fifi is blind,she is  an inspiration to feel,see, hear and believe.We may not have the capacity to define darkness but we have the capacities to explore, accept and live in it differently.Thank you, Fifi, for holding us in the murkier times and more so holding yourself through everything to be our support.

 

Are we coming?Yes,we are!

There is no end

to arriving,

there is no end

to opening.

Every wait

is a longing

in  its own making,

Every wait

stitches the songs,

bandages the soul.

So,are we coming?

Are we walking

following,running rippling ,

denying,judging,walking,

forgiving,fluidic and falling.

Are we coming?

Yes,we are holding:

laughing, meandering and suturing,

wearing our oceans and

washing our fears,

grieving and celebrating,

yes,we are catching,

look no behind,

we are walking,singing,

forgiving,running.

We are…

Sarabsri (Copyright)

 

Framing the Dark

 

 

The dark has a banquet

of

intimacy and depth,

of  mystery

and  passion,

of wholeness,

and flow,

in not differing,

in not knowing

anything else,

another color,

another emotion

of

rawness,intellect,sensation

or sense.

The layering after layering

is an invite in dark,

a marriage of steps,

a symphony of

rest,

a walk in the womb,

a pause in the talk.

just dark and

dark.

In all the attention,

in all the gap,

no awakening,

no call,

no  brighteness,

no light,

just dark and

dark.

In all the sameness,

in all the cellullarness,

in the wetness,

in the birthing

before the dying and

deconstructing.

Just dark

and dark.

COPYRIGHT-Sarabsri

 

Meditating with Dogs:Deep love

 

No matter how the tail wags,

no matter  how the hunger hurts,

no matter how every second

something crashes the attention,

no matter who gets the most in the bowl and

who always misses the point,

no matter you are left in the morning

and you meet others at night,

no matter how bad is the wait,

and how crushing it is to remain by the gate,

no matter how unrewarded is the job,

and how petrified is the loved one’s mind.

It is only with deep love,

we catch the ground,

it is only how you receive ,

not what they give you is the end,

the gentleness of a hand on the paw,

the smile that greets gratitude on the lips,

the smile that travels from tails to tips,

the mouth that forgives and wonders in bow,

the love that needs no labels and names,

the love that focusses without shift and blames,

the love that shares more than it seeks.

It is only this deep love

which matters in the now and the end.

Dogs teach a lot,

when we want to hear,

when we are ready to hear.

Sarabsri

copyright-Sarabsri

The Opening of Eyes

That day I saw beneath dark clouds
the passing light over the water
and I heard the voice of the world speak out,
I knew then, as I had before
life is no passing memory of what has been
nor the remaining pages in a great book
waiting to be read.

It is the opening of eyes long closed.
It is the vision of far off things
seen for the silence they hold.
It is the heart after years
of secret conversing
speaking out loud in the clear air.

 

It is Moses in the desert
fallen to his knees before the lit bush.
It is the man throwing away his shoes
as if to enter heaven
and finding himself astonished,
opened at last,
fallen in love with solid ground.

 — David Whyte
from Songs for Coming Home
©1984 Many Rivers Press

 

Image copyright with Sarabsri

 

 

I choose Peace and why?

I have made this choice many times in my life and now this is my daily practice.

Peace is my practice for life,choosing peace over many other negative emotions is what I wish to do every day.

Is that easy?It is not difficult either.

It is just a moment of awareness,a flash,a tickle where you say,’Okay,you fight and I don’t.I wish you peace.I wish myself peace’.

It is not quitting or giving someone power over you,it is realizing your own worth and ensuring that you are feeding the right food to your mind and peace is your food.

There are difficult and easier steps in this process,one can take time and wait,one can do it as slow as one wants but what matters is -the intention for peace.It is like determining the map and the road or just the destination or being aware of what mental state you want to be in- for the day,the hour or your life.Mental states are crucial,choosing what we want empowers us and takes away our limitations.

Peace itself bridges gaps.Compassion ways in where you thought it wasn’t possible.

Peace is a language,an art,a meditation,an intention,a food,a hope,a want.

May I always be filled with peace!

May I choose peace for you,me and us!

My husband and son at Candolim,Goa building our ‘Peace Home’.

 

Acknowledge and Rejoice!

Often,when we meet people and hear their stories of life,success,experience;we react differently inside and outside.Our words of appreciative acknowledgment are words of deep melancholy and pity inside.Our words fail to comfort our inner self which feels bubbled and incomplete.

I wonder how every small event becomes so powerful that we let it get our peace and ease of mind.Though it shouldn’t be the case but at the same time,it is easier said than done.

The seeds of unhappiness,the seeds of lack are deeper than anyone’s assumed flights of success.We easily target the other person,episode or thing as the cause of our sadness for what we couldn’t have,should be now either devalued or feel depressed about.There is seldom acceptance of what we don’t have.

So,the last few days I spent acknowledging :What I don’t have.

I  don’t have ……. and …….

My friend Shakespeare at the Cavelossim Beach,Goa.Image copyright with Sarabsri

 

 

I said with compassion and deepness in my breath.I took pauses and sent doses of kindness to myself.It was all in the gaps.

I acknowledged how acknowledging what I didn’t have brought certain emotions of pity,anger and sadness.I acknowledged everything that came up with digging and rest.I accepted that acknowledgment made me aware,relaxed and liberated.

And when there were no layers left, to further cover up(Though,we can never be fully sure and layers can just show even when we say we are done.So,to remain aware of latent layers is another awareness),I said-REJOICE.

REJOICE for those who have.

Rejoice for the neighbor,for the friend,for the shopping they did and the house they built.

Rejoice for the family,the writing,and the blog.

Rejoice for the child and happiness.

Rejoice for the time,resources and love.

Rejoice for life and the  world.

Rejoice for the planet and its beauty.

Rejoice for birth and breath.

Rejoice I received sadness.

Rejoice I faced failure.

Rejoice at what everyone has and rejoice at what I have and don’t have.

Rejoice,rejoice,rejoice.

It was not hard but a bit strange,for that was not the practice I was used to of but once I said it for few times,it did get better and Rejoice really reverberated as the only sound in the gap between the spaces of lack.

It sounded so natural that rejoice easily followed from others to myself.I didn’t have an inkling when actually it soothingly decided to come back to me and me and not remain with others anymore.To conclude,I was just rejoicing at myself and all that filled me through myself and others-the same people, places, things, and episodes.